I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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