My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
