I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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