Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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