Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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