I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
