when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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