my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
