You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
