I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
