When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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