Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
