We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
