sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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