doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize