I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
