i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
