i barfeds in our rink
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour