Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.

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(618): View more from Illinois

thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!

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(919): View more from North Carolina

its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five

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(512): View more from Texas

The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.

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