That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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