I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.