Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
