Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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