I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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