I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Someone shattered a urinal.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize