Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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