I'm so fucking centered right now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
