sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
