I smell stomach acid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn victory sex feels great
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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