I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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