Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
