yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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