i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
