you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
