I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize