Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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