I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
