I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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