Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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