Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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