I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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