Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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