No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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