I'm eating all of the evidence.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
