Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
