now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
