READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
