This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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