I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
