I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
