so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
