no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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