Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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