There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
