Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
