using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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