areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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