What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
