apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
