i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
