Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do vagina's smell?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
