Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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