so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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